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- If your book club wants to read one of my books, please feel free. You don’t have to ask my permission.
- If you want to help me market my books so that they reach the wider audience you feel they deserve, thanks but no thanks.
- If you are an agent who has somehow stumbled upon my books and wants to represent me, I’m afraid I’m going to need some evidence that you have actually read the book rather than just the back copy before I can take you seriously.
- (also to that one supposed agent who claimed that “all” the reviews for From the Shadows made you want to represent it, you DO realize that book has only two reviews, right?)
- If you are an editor from a publishing house interested in publishing my books traditionally, I am also going to need to see evidence that you’ve read more than the back copy. I am also going to need you to have an email address that matches the publishing house.
- If you are a well-known author who wants to chat about my writing process with me: why? What is it about my books that has engaged your interest?
- To anyone else: I do love talking about books, and writing, and all that jazz with people, and if you are a real person reading this and you are genuinely interested in having that sort of conversation, please please please craft your email in such a way that I know you are a real person and that you are genuinely interested in having a real conversation. Otherwise, I am sorry to say that your email is going straight into the spam folder.
*I hate bots
(This post brought to you by the endless stream of slop emails that keep relentlessly flowing into my email inbox, all designed with one purpose in mind: to prey upon my hopes as an author and scam me out of my money. I am so very, very done with them all.)