Books, humor

The Blue Vampire Castle

LM Montgomery’s The Blue Castle has always suffered from bad covers. But this latest one, while perhaps not as gag-worthy as the cover of my edition (which looks like a watered-down Harlequin novel, and is solely responsible for me refusing to read the book in public), really left me scratching my head. If you’ve read even five pages of the book, you know this makes no sense:

It did, however, prompt me to come up with a new story synopsis for Valancy’s adventures. I give you The Blue Castle, Vampire Edition:

When Valancy Stirling discovers she has a disease which will kill her within one year unless she takes drastic measures, she immediately leaves her stuffy, proper family behind in search of the one possible cure – immortality through a vampire’s bite.

Sweet, frail Cissy Gay has always been a source of fear and wonder to the community of Deerwood; she should have died years ago, yet somehow she still lives. Valancy confronts her, and Cissy gives up her secret: long-time friend of her father, Barney Snaith, is really a vampire, and it is through his bite that she still hangs on to life. She grows weaker, though, and soon refuses to let Barney keep biting her – death has become preferable to this shadow of an existence. Before long, Cissy passes away, leaving a void in Barney’s life.

Armed with her knowledge (and a stake, in case Barney is more interested in lunch than a new female companion), Valancy sets out to find Barney and offer herself as a replacement for Cissy. Secluded in his Blue Castle on a remote Muskoka island, Barney broods over an eternity of loneliness. When wild, fey Valancy appears, he is torn – accept her sacrifice, or send her back to live the rest of her short mortal life with her own kind? What happens if he lets her into his life, only to have her tire of immortality the same way Cissy did, leaving him alone again?

Barney is determined to keep her at arm’s length, but Valancy is equally determined to become a vampire herself – and she is on a deadline. Will she succeed in convincing Barney before death takes her, or is she doomed to a short life with no love?
The Blue Castle is a tale of tragic love and mythic creatures, available everywhere this fall!

In a shameless plug for myself, I created a Blue Castle blend on Adagio Teas recently – I’ve tried it and it’s actually become a favorite for me. If you’re a tea drinker, check it out and see if it’s something that appeals to you!

8 thoughts on “The Blue Vampire Castle”

  1. Don't – Even – Suggest it!! Because, as Adrienne says, somebody might actually go and DO it! Eeep, P&P&Zombies makes my blood boil. It really does. Makes me want to bite someone. With my sharp, pointy eye teeth, no less. Stay Away From The Blue Castle, people!However, you're hilarious. And quite right, TBC would lend itself eminently well to vampirization.I think that cover could also hint at Valancy being on a bad trip, having delirious visions of Neuschwanstein after having had one too many cups of your tea. Bring on Baron Bomburst and Dick Van Dyke.

  2. I keep waiting for someone to make an AoGG zombie or vampire story. I think the only reason it hasn't been done is that Sullivan still hold all the adaptation rights. Which is almost enough to make me forgive him for the atrocity that is the third Anne movie.

  3. Mess with Jane Austen all you want, people, but LEAVE LMM ALONE!!! Anne, Emily, Valancy, Jane, Marigold, and Rilla are SACRED.(although I could actually see Emily as a Gothic heroine quite easily … no, no, Louise, don't go there!)

  4. Someone HAS tried to make an Anne – supernatural creatures story. Google Anne of Green Gremlins. *shudders*I loved your Blue Castle vampire version… it would make a much better twilight.

  5. I somehow missed this post and it popped up on my Google Reader tonight. Loooooove it. Blue Castle is a favorite of mine, and your new synopsis cracked me up and creeped me out at the same time.

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